HubPages: By Anamika S
A few days ago I witnessed a neighbor of mine who often claims to be a good mother to her children hitting her five year old son because his school friend’s mother complained that he hit his friend and used bad words at him. I also have heard several times when she have quarrels with her husband both call each other names and even do things like hitting or throwing things on the floor. My point is when such an example is set to a child it is quite natural that he too may ape his parents. After all Parents are the first teachers of a child and the first influence in the life of the child who molds a child’s character. No one can replace the parent’s role in the life of her children. The outlook that the child will form towards life depends a lot on the parents. His attitude, views, goals, perspective on life etc depend to a larger extent on what he learned from parents. What a child learns in the initial years always have a lasting impression on his mind so good parenting is very essential.
Among the parents the mother has a much larger role to play in a child’s life. Who is a good mother? How to be a good mother? Many women do not have any clue on what traits make a good mother. What you feel good may not be necessarily good for the child. Each woman is unique by age, background, education and experience and each child is unique too. There are too many variables in parenting and they shift from day to day. The one necessary ingredient in any mothering style is flexibility. In this age where woman work and have successful careers forcing a woman to be a stay at home Mom and take care of children may not a practical one. But In order to succeed at mothering one must be willing to adjust your style according to the current and ever changing needs of your child. Like me I am sure there are many who may have felt unloved and abandoned as a kid. My child hood experiences even affected my life as an adult that I did not forgive my parents till a few year back. Here are some good Qualities or characteristics to develop to be a good mother to your child.
1) Set a good Example: Since the mother is the most important person in the life of a child it is important for her to be a positive and moral role model and example that the can look up to, appreciate and honor. Whatever the child observes from her, such as her housekeeping habits, her manners, her relationships with others, the way she spends money and in general her lifestyle, will all undoubtedly affect the child’s character. For instance the child notices the love and respect a wife displays for her husband, father or others and would be prepared to be loving and affectionate mate when they get married later in life and be respectful to own parents. At the same time when a child sees the parents are disrespectful and arguing always they are influenced by that too. Admit when you do something wrong and don't be afraid to apologize. Also explain how and why you did what you did and why you think it is wrong. This teaches your kids that it's okay to make mistakes, as well as the importance of an apology. Many times you also might have been affected from the mistakes your parents did which you would never want to do to your own kids. Sometimes there may be good things which your parents did which you want your child to experience too. That way our own parents help us to be able to be good parents because by now you know what kind of parent you want to be or how you don't want to be.
2) Be there for the Child: In the initial years of childhood the child needs the mother more. It is very important for the child to spend quality time with the child. It is okay to be a friend or buddy to your child but remember that ultimately you are their parent and it is your responsibility to provide them moral and ethical guidance. A good mother is compassionate and gentle but firm in discipline. A good mother is someone who is there when her child needs her and who puts her child's needs above her own. It is normally seen that the mothers are normally protective about the children. It is essential not to be overprotective to enable the child to develop as an individual and learn from experiences. A good mother is someone who is willing to be a shoulder to cry on and to stand firm in her child's time of need even if you do not agree.
3) Love and Patience: A mother’s love is unmatched. Remember that a mother carried you in her womb, fed you and protected you even when she was in pain and suffering even before you were not born. To a good mother you are special no matter you are young or old, healthy or handicapped, troublesome or obedient. Sometimes it is noticed that parents show partiality among children or treat them badly. This makes a child feel unloved or ignored and can affect their behavior. Do not show partiality among children. It is important to assure a child that he is always loved even when he needs to be disciplined. Also it is important for a mother to keep cool and try to stay patient. When a child does something wrong or want to do something wrong explain the reasons to the child patiently without being too harsh on the child. When a child displays skills or does good deeds it is essential that you show appreciation and encouragement. A mother should also rebuke or show disapproval when she feels that the child has done something wrong without losing the child’s respect for her. Many times it is seen that parents compare their children with others which is wrong because every child is different and comparisons may result them in feeling unworthy or useless. A mother teaches the child good manners and set values for her children.
4) Be a Good Listener: A good mother is a good listener as well. She spends quality time with her children and patiently listens to them when they talk and give them quality advice and help them in negative circumstances. A good mother is always an approachable person for a child to talk. This helps the child to open up and share problems and not be secretive about what he does. Take an interest in your child's interests and make an effort to know him well. A good mother provides a stable and strong foundation for her kids to grow and develop as an individual. Encourage children according to their potential and tries to bring out the best in each child. She makes the child develop his skills in whatever area he is good at, as well as remedy the weakness in each child. A mother’s gentle guidance can remedy many a flaw and weakness in the character of the child. Not having someone they can talk to can cause kids to retire into a shell, so make sure you talk to them about how they feel regularly. It is said that a good mom knows the whereabouts of the child and who her child’s friends are. A mother should also be supportive to kids and when she does not approve of something let the child know about it in a nice manner. A good mother will always be there for the child and helps their child set out on their own path.
5) Responsibility: It is said that motherhood is a full time career. If you have brought the child to the world then also be ready to accept the responsibilities that comes along with motherhood. The feeling that your mother didn't want you can hurt our child. A good mother makes sure that the requirements of the child are met. She also provides the child with encouragement and tokens of love. She remembers the special days of the child like birthday and makes him special by giving gifts and celebrating. Do not be too tight about money. Though blowing money isn't the best thing to do, do not say no to everything your kid asks for. Many times a mother have to give up a great deal for the sake of the child. Many times a mother gives up her time, her sleep, pleasures etc to ensure that the child is all right.