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So why don’t they get it?
It’s because of something I’ve called “Core Image”. If you were told from a tender age, (and I do mean from around three years old), that you were clumsy, or you never got anything finished, or that you were untidy, you began to integrate that into yourself as part of your identity. Not, as you might now, consider it a characteristic, or even a misjudgement on the part of the person expressing that view of you, but actually who YOU are.
Up until the age of about six or seven you are trying to figure that out – the question of what and who exactly you are. Certain messages will get absorbed and become part of the fabric of your being as surely as an ink stain will become a part of a linen tablecloth forever more.
Does this indelibility mean that you cannot change?
Fortunately, I think the answer to that is no. You CAN change. But you aren’t going to do it with most self help courses and books unless you go deep. The answer lies not in trying to remove the stain, but to replace the entire linen tablecloth!
You need to replace, or at least “update” that Core Image – but you can’t do it from an adult perspective. You judge yourself too much and too harshly now. Who do you know who says, when you pay them a compliment, “Oh, it was nothing really. I didn’t really do anything very special …”?
Can you imagine a child saying that? Say “Well done, Jo!” to a three year old and she’ll glow with pride!
To give you a personal example, I remember that my mother would frequently tell me when I was a child that I was intelligent. She always said it with pride in her voice and her eyes, and a smile on her face. Sometimes, I daresay, (I can’t remember this much detail), it might have been accompanied by a hug or a kiss too. I can even recall that she said it about me to others, like my father: “Trevor’s a very intelligent child, you know.”
So I’ve grown up knowing that I’m intelligent. This massively shapes my behaviour. When I encounter a challenge in life, I instinctively believe that I can figure out a solution because I’m intelligent, right? If you put me in the company of the deepest thinkers on Earth I wouldn’t shrink or be embarrassed or think I was out of my league. I wouldn’t even mind that I may not be able to understand all that they said, but I’d know that I’d make some kind of intelligent contribution to the conversation. And I’d know without doubt that they’d regard me as an intelligent visitor.
Now, let’s contrast that with something else. In terms of success – say in business – my parents had nothing to say to me or about me. They were “success neutral” to coin a phrase. I have never, (until now) had a Core Image of myself as “successful.” (I don’t have an C.I. of an unsuccessful me either. Instead, I’ve tended to work on the idea that I’d figure out how to do business with my …. you’ve guessed haven’t you…? Yep, with my intelligence!)
But suppose my mother had said, “You’re a very successful boy, Trevor. You always succeed at everything you do.” Imagine having that message from the source of unconditional love at the age of three or four! You would simply accept it as a truth about yourself. You wouldn’t cringe in embarrassment at the shower of compliments, you’d hear it as another way of being told, “I love you,” wouldn’t you?
It doesn’t have to be your mother, of course. It’s any significant person whom you regarded as the undisputed source of love and truth when you were a child.
What if you were told you were naturally loveable? Would you ever have a problem getting a date?
Suppose you were told you were always the master of any situation, how
likely would you be to get addicted to cigarettes or any drug?
The trick is to figure out what you needed to be told, but fortunately, there are some messages that will cover pretty much any situation. Success, natural beauty, a natural achiever … those kinds of words take into account most situations, don’t they?
The second trick is to get yourself back into that three year old’s feeling state, and absorb the messages as you would have done back then. Let me walk you through the process.
In principle, here is what you do. (I like to put solutions in my work, but be warned: this is a brief article and I cannot take you through the entire process here. If you want to know about the whole thing, please visit my website, wizardofwisdom.com – details at the end).
Now, here’s my problem. I know this process works. It could hardly take less effort since it involves being totally relaxed and closing your eyes – it’s very pleasant to do, and the effects are life changing! But … I can’t make you believe it. And I certainly can’t make you try it.
And I wonder if you read past paragraph one!
If you would like to have an mp3 recording of this whole process, (so all you have to do is listen), you can download it today for just $19.97. Go now to www.wizardofwisdom.com/cip and order yours today.
For further information about self development products and to receive FREE “Positive Life” Newsletter, please visit www.wizardofwisdom.com
Disclaimer: (Sorry – the legal department makes me say this stuff, and sadly, I guess they’re right) The process contained in this document, (and in the recording), is NOT a substitute for professional help. If you suffer from any mental health issues, such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or depression, or any other condition not named here, please seek proper advice before working through this program.
The author accepts no liability whatsoever for any consequence of use of the material contained in this document, and in the recording of the process outlined here. You the reader must accept full responsibility for all and any such consequence or result of using the material here presented. Although the author is a trained psychotherapist and the ideas outlined and explained within are considered safe, the onus rests with you the reader/listener to decide whether to use and practice the program within.
Heavy stuff done!
(But PLEASE read it – It’s not just for my protection – it’s for yours!)
If you’ve ever wondered why your life doesn’t change despite all the courses you’ve been on, books you’ve read and workshops you’ve attended, here’s the answer…
I guess self development, (self improvement, personal growth … whatever name you give it) has been around since the beginning of humankind’s appearance on Earth. Cave dwellers would have worked out how to hunt and fish in better and better ways, and we had the development of tools.
Why do you go on personal development courses, or buy books, audio or video seminars?
Because you want something to change. Maybe you want more love or money, or less bad luck – but something has to be different. And of course, what do they all teach you? The thing that must change, the single and only changeable element there is in all the world and will be for all of your life is …
Agh! Now, you’re probably willing to change. You may well follow the programs/ techniques/ prescriptions to the letter, but six months after the event, where are you?
The Subject of The Story
The person in the above account isn’t really you, it’s me. And it’s probably you too. It’s thousands of people. Tens or perhaps hundreds of thousands of people to be strictly accurate.
And I love personal development. I may not be a guru, (thank goodness), but I teach it, and I’ve been a student of the great and the small in the field. I’ve read literally hundreds of self help books, attended countless seminars and workshops, had thousands of group hugs, ended up with dozens of mailing lists of people you never hear from or contact again and along the way have gleaned an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of how to run my life to perfection, be a millionaire, live in harmony with nature and generally be a super human being.
I’ve led workshops too. I’ve had audiences of less than half a dozen to many hundreds. I’ve written more than a handful of self help books and programs too, and many articles on topics related to self help and self improvement.
The results are always the same. The vast majority of people don’t change. In fact, not only do they not change, they don’t even try. It is well known amongst self help authors that most people (around 90 percent) don’t read beyond chapter one!! (A survey done by a prominent manufacturer of recorded language courses found a similar statistic: ninety percent of their customers never listened to more than the first disc! Many even never got further than disc 1, track 1).
So why exactly didn’t my life or your life or the lives of those many thousands change very much? Why didn’t my life end up being parallel to Anthony Robbins’ or Bob Proctor’s?
Are they bad teachers?
No. They’re fabulous teachers.
Was I a bad student? (Along with those tens of thousands of others)?
No. I was a very good and diligent student, as I suspect, you were too.
So the problem was… ?
Maybe all of those people are just addicted to personal growth material: they like the reading and the group experiences.
Hmm. Maybe. But not ninety percent. Most people I’ve met who move in these circles, (and I’ve met thousands), genuinely want to improve their lives in some way. They want more from life. Not simply more money or things or even love, (although all of those will be high on most people’s wish lists), but they want more satisfaction from life, more fulfilment, more juice. They want peace of mind and personal freedom.
Give or take, I grant you. But if ninety-nine or even ninety-five percent of your life is pretty much as it was before you put in all of that time, money, effort and willpower, was it really worth it, you’ll be asking yourself? Worse, far worse than that, since you really are the only changeable element in the whole of your life, you have to beat yourself up. The self-recriminating begins. After all, you reason, it must be your fault, even if you can’t figure out exactly what you didn’t do or get quite right.
After a while you start to feel better. Even the best of the masters and gurus had their down times and even failures, (they call them results, by the way). They used these experiences, (let’s call them that), to learn and grow from and became the wondrous beings they are today. You must learn to learn from your “results” too.
Well, if you’re in learning mode, what better thing to do than to look around for a …. teacher! And so, off you’ll go again on the same old merry-go-round.